Kinda antsy tonight. Antsy antsy antsy. Oh yeah, my brain has felt like this before! (A lot! Many times! Constantly! Hurrah!) I wonder if (or rather, when) it will be like this again instead... I hope I've learned to stabilize a little since, and at the same time I miss it. Exhaustion is addictive.

Hm. So, on my to-do list, among other things:

  • Put beneficiaries down for my (given-by-default) life insurance policy
  • Apparently at some point I should also make a will or a revocable living trust.

It's not like I have all that much to leave behind ("To my brother, I give a box of pens; I think I've used 3 of them so far but the rest should still be good for writing papers...") and I sure don't intend to leave the planet anytime soon, but it is good to plan ahead. The pragmatism far outweighs the weirdness - if you don't worry about it, it might happen anyway - but it does feel weird having that on my to-do list. My brother, when I told him this: "Ooh, then i could pay for college. And buy a car." Me: "I think you can find better ways of financing a car than orchestrating my death."

In any case, I'm sure I could now find better options for the postmortem allocation of my property than I thought of when I was a kid (it went something like "everyone just comes and picks out what they want to keep of mine and it will all work out!"). I also plotted out my funeral when I was little; it involves balloons instead of flowers and nobody wearing all-black suits or dresses and good food and lots of stories and the scattering of ashes rather than lying still in a fancy box for all eternity, which, honestly, to me just sounds like hell). Not that any of these plans are good, mind you; they were insanely naive and uninformed (still are, after well over a decade later) and that kind of stuff is for the people you leave behind in any case, and my family might appreciate a more traditional deal. It's still the kind of thing I'd like, though.

But hey, I figure at least 80 more years, what with the rising life expectancies and medicine these days - good years, too. On that note, tomorrow is a busy day, and I should sleep, so lights turn off now; fluorescent laptop backlight counts. Go to sleep, brain. Just. Just go. Stop jittering, please.