Kid: What's that thing on your throat?
Me: It's a scar.
Kid: You have a scar on your throat?
Me: Yeah, when I was really little I got sick and I couldn't breathe very well, so they had to make a hole in my throat so that I could still breathe.
Kid: Ewwww.

*brief silence*

Kid: Did it hurt?
Me: Not really. I was really small, so I don't remember it, and they put you to sleep first.
Kid: *sounding vaguely disappointed* Oh.
Me: I'm sure there was blood involved somewhere. I mean, they're cutting a hole. In your throat.
Kid: *perking up* Oh!
Me: And you can't talk when you have it in, too - *claps hand over throat* you have to stop it up with your hand if you're trying to say something, or *removes hand from throat, mouths wordlessly, then places hand back over throat* ...hear anything.
Kid: Ewwwwww!

*interlude as Kid pantomimes talking with a hole in their throat*

Kid: (in awe) And so you're walking! Around! With a hole in your throat!
Me: They put a little tube in it, and when they take the tube out you have to wear a band-aid over the hole.
Kid: Can you put stuff in the hole?
Me: You... theoretically could, but you probably shouldn't...
Kid: And when you swallow stuff, would it come out?
Me: I don't remember that part, actually. I don't know where the epiglottis is on the trachea in comparison to-
Kid: (utterly ignoring me by this point) ...and if you were in a food fight could you, like, point your throat towards someone, and eat your food and go BLAAAAHHH! and shoot it out the hole in your throat at them? (this part is accompanied with vigorous miming)
Me: Well, the muscles in your throat probably don't...

*you can see the gears in their little heads turning by this point.*

Kid: And if you didn't like to eat vegetables could you just put them in the hole so they'd go in your stomach anyway?
Me: Uh-
Kid: Or, like, eat them, and then spit them out through your throat when they're not looking? *mimes* BLAAAHH!
Me: I'm not sure that's what a tracheotomy is intended for.
Me: No, trust me, you really don't.
Kid: *running around pretending to shoot stuff out an imaginary throat-tube at people* BLAAAHHHH! BLAAAAAAH! BLAAAAAAH!