Today... was a decompression day. I spent Saturday feeling more and more introverted and getting more passive-aggressively grumpy as a result - I'd simply reached my Too Much Peopleness quota. This happens after extended periods of time in contact with large groups of strangers, and I need solitude to recharge.
It inadvertently started last night after sushi, when I lay down to rest my (swollen) knee and simply... didn't wake up again until 3:30am, having slept through 2 alarms, Robyn coming in and out, lights turning on and off... I was dead to the world. Woke up at 3:30, 5:30, and 8:30, each time vacillating somewhat miserably between the need to rest (not so much to sleep - which I needed too - but to be by myself for a while) and guilt over being unable to do work when I attempted to do so. At 8:30, when Robyn got up, I decided screw it, I'm going to sleep. My naps became immediately more restful thereafter, but I've still only gotten sleep in bits and snatches.
Dancing helped. There's blues in Portland every Sunday night, so I took the bus up and spun around in my socks for about 2 hours. I even got asked for repeat dances, which... was flattering, but nice. I was definitely hindered slightly by my knee, which would occasionally send stabbing jolts up my leg, but it was a good night, a night of solid connections. A lot of leads with gentle, subtle styles, which was perfect for my energy level (low) and my knee (ouch) and what I wanted to do (listen quietly, not get flung around the room). One lead complimented me on my "good instincts." I nearly laughed; they're not so much instincts as they are years of getting over paranoia, and I'm still not all that great. But I did do a few dips tonight, which surprised me, and it was a good way to turn my brain off for a little while. Live band, too.
Reading and writing is a good way to get my functionality back. My ability to process audio is one of the things that drops out when I'm tired - actually, realizing that it has is a good indication to me that I'm tired. My ability to process text is one of the last things to go (if I ever lose it, I'm really in trouble, and I can only remember it happening once in recent memory). It's challenging to rest, because sleep... is hard. But I can go upstairs and play guitar. The team is in the lobby (so am I) and they're playing poker (I've been writing).
Highest priority tomorrow is slides, slides slides slides. Slides and being present at OSCON; I'm trying to be more gentle with myself about recharging so I can actually take the event on full-steam. There's a lot I want to learn, a lot of people I want to meet, a lot of stuff I want to do, but I've got to be in a shape to do it. HOOYAH. Will make it through! I'll be good and tired when I reach Chicago this weekend (visiting my parents for a few days, by request).
It's a long summer, but a good one. I will... collapse in August. I'll have the time and space I need to breathe then. It'll be good.